Saturday, May 31, 2008

Another Realization

Its like just realizing that you are still alive.

Its like waking up and realizing you are in love.

Its like pretending you are who you really are.

Its like understanding we are not really alone.

Its like imagining the most perfect day.

Its like having the right thing to say.

Its like time standing still for a minute.

Its like the stars in the sky, infinite.

Its like letting nature take over its course.

Its like getting power straight from the source.

Its like acknowledging your limits are safe.

Like new friends, good friends, Old friends

Like new learning, good wisdom, Old school

Its like serendipity dealing an ace.

Its like dreaming big dreams that come true.

Its like wide open skies ever so blue.

Its like a friend at the door unexpected.

Its like when the flowers suddenly bloom.

Its like undertsanding God's promises are true.

Its like the sunset at the beach in the summertime.

Its like watching all the children getting along.

Its like Christmas everyday, peace in every way.

Its like every good thought i have ever had.

Its like the caress of velvet, touching my soul.

Its like the simplicity of watching a ball roll.

Its like a Redwood forest shrouded in a thick cool fog.

Its like the sound of a bell signalling dinner time.

Its like a huge crowd gathered in one accord.

Its like the arrow hitting the bullseye from 100 paces.

Its like the answer to your most vexing question.

Its like a friendly smile from a stranger and a wave hello.

Its like my child appreciating my sacrifice for them.

Its like a kiss from the one you really want.

Its like the answer to all my prayers.

Like heaven on Earth, just one more day.

Like every holiday celebrated on your birthday, today.

Friday, May 30, 2008

The War of the Worlds

The new spaceship/rover has landed, what an awesome feat of engineering. I wish it hadnt taken me 30+ years to gain the appreciation for such amazing thinking ability. If I would have realized such feats were truly achievable maybe I would have studied harder. Future inventors and scientists have to be captivated by what they are being taught. If a person really wants to do something I don't see anyhting stopping them but their own selves.
Goals and accomplishments.
I wonder if the Dimensions are allways aligned or if there could be planetary, and magnetic warbling or shuffling. Maybe on other worlds life is smaller than we can see, or larger throughout the whole universe than we could ever comprehend.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

It's Survival of the Fittest

The pain at the pump, economic slow downs, wars against enemies, education, relationships, physical ailments, mental health and stability, all that gets put upon us by the news, all that stuff has a flip side. And the flip side is not always good or bad. Sometimes it just is what it is. Self preservation and the survival mechanism is the most powerful force in nature, and mountains will move if they must.
I look at my concerns as stated above and I see a temporal, short sighted, mired in the day to day tussle, person who cannot break the chains of the world. I cannot get to a bigger picture because I'm hanging on to some false hopes. I want the world to stay the same but somehow start working for me. I need a break that it seems like others are always getting. Like a good, easy job, or a nice loyal customer who only wants to be fair. The never ending competition and swirling forces that atrophy my profession will either kill me or make me stronger. Maybe on the inside I am stronger, but on the outside I dont always feel I am increasing in power.
Things change and also stay the same, I feel I must worry my way through this life. Even though I am aware of the pitfalls I fall right into every one. I feel as if when I am not worrying I am not caring as much as I should. It really is pathetic, but I can't help myself. The feeling of being alone even as others are around continually haunts me. I have taken the key to freedom from these thoughts yet somehow I find myself back inside that prison. I do look for a saviour perhaps everywhere but right where He is. I do pray for help, and I always get help.
Why isn't it ever enough?

Monday, May 26, 2008

There is a Rock
Happy Memorial Day

A day to honor the defenders of freedom who made the ultimate sacrifice. A day to remember those who serve, and what could happen, what does happen, whether we are aware or not.
The respect the men and women deserve is of the highest honor. They are out there really doing the jobs that most Americans won't, can't, or are just too scared to do. The necessity of each individual skirmish can and will be debated, but what cannot be debated is... this is the front line of the defense of our Country and our Freedom.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

World NewsWatch May 18, 2008 A.D.

It's a full frontal affront to Barack Obama. President Bush's speech at the Knesset was long overdue, I believe, even before Barack gave his Democrat wowing speech at the 2004 convention. But here we finally got some clarity on appeasement and who should jump out of their thin skins and prove it really is upfront in their minds? Democrats! Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Dick Shumer, Chuck Durbin, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi and etc. ad nauseum. So Bush states the obvious to the Israelis, can,t the Democrat Party Hierarchy see that Israel is on the front lines in this Global War on Terrorists and the Nations that harbour them? They must stay strong, too, and they are battling complacency, war weariness, and appeasers in their midst. Then there is all of Europe and we know how they have dealt with existential threats in the past. It's funny that the Democrats immediately take these words personally. And Barack Obama says he would be tough in his "Talks" to Ahmadinajhad and Nasralla and their ilk, like JFK was 'tough' and Reagan was 'tough', well Reagan did appease, they were fighting a more direct threat of Soviet expansionism, and talking only gives enemies time when thats why they want to talk. And JFK was perceived as weak and his vacillating caused the cuban missile crisis which to his credit he found the strength to stand up against. So if Obama wants to compare his foreign policy to those two we really are in a world of hurt, so to speak, if someone as unqualified as Barack Obama gets elected President of the United States.

The Teddy Kennedy deathwatch is on? I know a lot of left-tilting freedom chokers celebrated the passings of Charleton Heston, William F. Buckley Jr., the Rev. Jerry Falwell, and would welcome the passing of President Bush, Karl Rove , or Dick Cheney, but rejoicing in the calamity of others is a very evil mindset to engage in. I care not at all for Theodore Edward Kennedy, however I think discrediting his bad policy is much more beneficial to my life than his life ending. I will pray for this man who I almost completely disagree with on all matters moral and political, hoping for his long life and health and his awakening into a conservative thoughtful leader. I know there is little chance for that, but I will earmark my prayer with that condition.

Maybe it was an unwise move but somehow i can't think that using a Koran for target practice is much more than a nutty gesture of irreverence by an individual. What do you suppose these Islamic 'Holy' men do to the Bible?

The Peoples Republic of California has heard the fiat from our rulers, four black robed activists. These autocrats have proclaimed to the state that voting on an issue is worthless. Just like proposition 187 the people have spoken and unelected, practically unimpeachable, Lawyers and descendants of Lawyers have re-written the code of Life. In this state we already had civil unions, with all the rights that married people have as to property and legal issues. But the Homosexual Lobby wants more, they feel they can gain credibility and perhaps even whitewash the stain of their sin with the blessing of Government. I really don't care what the Homosexuals call their cohabitational legal status. It is their rights as Americans to do what they want, as long as they dont interfere with anyone else. They don't need to call it marriage because marriage is between a man and a woman and sacred and a pillar of society. Marriage is for family and a homosexual person does have the right to get "married", although that would be to someone of the opposite sex, and they have rejected that. So go ahead and enjoy the civil unions, and let men and women marry each other, it sounds so simple but when you add the subversive tactics of the enemy of God this is what you get. Painful parsings of the language and text of our Laws that don't illuminate, they only create shadow areas for sinners to hide. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, but to be saved means to repent, to ask forgiveness, not to change definitions so you are now with the mainstream. There is a slippery slope that humankind continues to flirt with and one day we will wonder where all decency and goodness has gone. When Judges get to make Laws eventually we will have more judges making laws more people disagree with and then there will be real trouble in Paradise.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Faith Is...

~Believing everything will be ok when you can't do anything more.~
~Trusting in God to do what he said.~
~Knowing the difference between want and need.~
~The most powerful force in nature.~
~The foundation on which we build our lives.~
~The very glue that holds civilization together.~
~What gets tested first.~
~What must hold up to the end.~
~Not supposed to be so easily shaken.~

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Breaking Down the Barricades

As one hurdle in life is passed the next presents itself. I must have the confidence to move past the last and onto the next. Could all my energy focus on the tasks at hand with the ultimate goal remaining in sight? Getting to the goal no matter what? I don't want to get bogged down in self pity or remorse. Of course, theres always a hunger for more. But not being greedy by nature helps me to have the necessary patience to wait until times are right.
It really is about power, the power needed to withstand setbacks, mental power to stay above the storms. Serenity really is at the end of the rainbow and only stability provides the path. If my career can generate the vehicle to go where I need to go, I have chosen the right path. Working harder than I have ever worked is the answer to get farther than I have ever been. The good things in life are out there waiting for those willing to do what they must to get their reward. I know I have the strength to do what it takes to succeed, and to be with who God has sent to me. I must only take hold of the faith I keep lacking. God has always provided and He will always provide, I know this, but I doubt. I stop focusing on God and start looking at the creation, the wonder and the beauty, the pain and despair. It all scares me, but I love it to death, all the same, I know I am blessed.
Life really does beat us down bit by bit, fraction by fraction until we are under six feet below. But energy is what it takes to combat this malaise. And that's why people that suck energy are so important to avoid. Black holes that swallow whole galaxies. I have thought I was strong enough to help, now I wonder if I was even half as strong as I thought I was. The vacuum moves in one direction only. At some point letting go is the only way to save yourself. Ties that commit us to each other are not quite as strong as the tie that binds us to life. And I will find the strong nexus and remain.
An old friend in trouble clouds my minds eye. I can't make anyone do what they must do to survive. If they can't see for themselves, why would they need my eyes? If I had burned so many bridges and opportunities, I doubt I would care about anything, really. Two friends whose paths crossed the same lines 30 years ago, now are perpendicular and headed away from each other. I have nothing left but prayers for the lost souls who won't help themselves.
I have to look after my own wayward soul. I guess I fear everybodies problems could become my own, and they can, if I let that happen.

May the Lord have Mercy!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Racing for a Cure

This morning is the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Sacramento. My daughter and I will go and walk it together, wishing we could do more to stop this terrible disease. My own mother passed away from Breast cancer 9 years ago and her mother when she was just a kid. It's time to stop this dreadful killer before anybody elses loved ones have to fight and families are torn apart. I know there are so many cancers and other diseases out there that we have to dedicate ourselves as human beings to eradicate, but this particular affliction has caused a lot of damage directly to my family and I worry for my 2 daughters. I know in the future there will be a cure, advances have already been made and the survivors are able to live better longer lives in complete remission.
Janice Roberta Stepp was a wonderful woman, who lived a very tough life. She made a lot of bad choices in the men in her life and I know that caused her some suffering. She also found Jesus, and that comforts and encourages me like nothing else she could have done. She lost her mother when she was just a kid, and did a lot to take care of her father and her two brothers, while she needed someone to take care of her. She never got a high enough education that could have propelled her beyond the need to have men take care of her, men she apparently could not see into their hearts and find a good one. After she had a baby girl, Loretta, her first man (husband?)___ St. John left her. Then she got pregnant by another guy, Donald Stevenson(military), and he didn't even stick around long enough to see me born. Well Janice made a decision to have the baby(yay)and give him up for adoption. The heartache this must have caused her lasted the rest of her life. She had another boy by another guy and she did keep Eddie, who became a dependent on her and ceaselessly made her cry for him, because he needed more help than she could ever provide by herself. Finally Mr. Stepp came into her life and she found a man who would stick by her. They had a son, Arthur, who embodied all her sons in one person. Art was smart, not self destructive, and he was there. Janice continued to take care of her younger brother right up until she died. Diagnosed with breast cancer at a relatively young age Janice beat it back and got it into remission. She got to see her Grandchildren born to Loretta and I know that was a pure joy to her heart. Then the cancer came back and spread to her skin and bones and would not give up this time. But Janice held on long enough to get to meet the son she had to give up at birth. She met me as she started fighting the cancer again and got to know that she was having another grandchild, a granddaughter. I sent her a lot of pictures and many letters, as the cancer took its toll. I thought I had more time. I never realized she would be gone in a few short years, that I could replace the false hope and subsequent loss I gave her of another grandchild, with the good news of another pregnancy, our baby girl, Veronica Rose. So today I will honor the suffering of this dear soul who was tormented throughout her life with small (actually great)joys and huge pain. The tears are so close to the surface I am sure this will not be the last time I cry today.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

World NewsWatch May7, 2008AD

Every Day I see the news reports, the toll mounts in Burma. This goes to show what happens with Third World dictatorships. These poor people crowded into low lying areas just to scratch out a living. Without a good warning system they were sitting ducks when this storm rolled in. If we could spread affluence around the world tragedies like this would still happen but the scope of destruction could be limited. We think Katrina was a disaster? Compared to this Katrina was a walk in the park, maybe not for those killed, for them its the same. But the staggering number of victims is incomprehensible to US in the West. And no help should go there if it just helps the warlords or dictators or whatever the juntas call themselves. I can't believe they feel a need to put any conditions on the help they will receive.

I see Russia did exactly as expected, shuffling the deck and dealing off the bottom. Well, "once KGB always KGB", is the phrase I have heard, and I suppose Putin would not have let Medyeved win if this spot didn't come to him. Theres a snake in the grass over there, beware!

What McCain expects from federal judges has an odd ring to it. What should any US citizen expect from Federal judges? Just that they follow the constitution and not try to read any of their own views or biases into what has stood the test of time. Interpret the constitution directly and you cant go wrong. The Founding fathers were geniuses, and knew that it should be up to the states and elected officials to write the Law, not Judges.

I find it alarming that this game has such widespread appeal out there. Is it a sign of the times? There is something rather unsavory about a video game built upon violence and criminal behaviour being a best seller that causes me to worry about our very souls. If we ever want to rise to new heights we could sure start by picking ourselves up out of the gutter. GTA is a harbinger of what decadence and moral turpitude has done to the very fabric of our society. We are reaping what we sow, only it has a slightly delayed reactionary time.

Should we tar and feather the whole school district over this? Sounds like its not just a church/clergy thing after all. Will we get a Witchhunt here, too? The Catholic church took the shots dealt to them and survived the hyperbole. The public school system is more than likely more prone to this rottenness therefore has an even more stringent desire to equivocate and cover up. There have been plenty of abuses in the public school system , but when its a female teacher and male victims things get easily swept under the rug. And when its a male teacher he's hung out to dry whether it's a girl victim, or a boy. And deservedly so, but whats good for the goose is good for the gander.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

MayDay! Moving On

The world keeps turning even when we take our break. I take the good with the bad, 2 steps forward and 1 back. Even when God smiles on me I sense that somehow my joy is incomplete.
I know the Lord says as we draw nearer to him He will draw nearer to us, and I do believe that to be true. Human nature is what it is, and I would never want to use God's blessings without giving back the praise and adoration He deserves. Praise Him with great praise. Seek God with all our hearts and all that we do will be blessed. As I walk with the Lord my path gets straighter toward him, but the narrower the way the steeper the precipice. I fear that if I seek the will in myself that God must have put there, i may alter my destiny. But the needs and desires God put there can be perfected through prayer, always seeking~His will be done~.
I am confused as to how to go about reconciling the wherefores and the howfores. My psychology was established as an infant and unmet needs have formed a nucleus of insecurities. Someday soon there will be new challenges and new responsibilities, to God, Family, and Friends, and I must be prepared to overcome any obstacle to complete my mission in this life. I know if God wills it he will provide a way to accomplish it. Once again thank you Jesus, thank you Father in Heaven.
I pray that I always do the right thing.