Sunday, May 11, 2008

Breaking Down the Barricades

As one hurdle in life is passed the next presents itself. I must have the confidence to move past the last and onto the next. Could all my energy focus on the tasks at hand with the ultimate goal remaining in sight? Getting to the goal no matter what? I don't want to get bogged down in self pity or remorse. Of course, theres always a hunger for more. But not being greedy by nature helps me to have the necessary patience to wait until times are right.
It really is about power, the power needed to withstand setbacks, mental power to stay above the storms. Serenity really is at the end of the rainbow and only stability provides the path. If my career can generate the vehicle to go where I need to go, I have chosen the right path. Working harder than I have ever worked is the answer to get farther than I have ever been. The good things in life are out there waiting for those willing to do what they must to get their reward. I know I have the strength to do what it takes to succeed, and to be with who God has sent to me. I must only take hold of the faith I keep lacking. God has always provided and He will always provide, I know this, but I doubt. I stop focusing on God and start looking at the creation, the wonder and the beauty, the pain and despair. It all scares me, but I love it to death, all the same, I know I am blessed.
Life really does beat us down bit by bit, fraction by fraction until we are under six feet below. But energy is what it takes to combat this malaise. And that's why people that suck energy are so important to avoid. Black holes that swallow whole galaxies. I have thought I was strong enough to help, now I wonder if I was even half as strong as I thought I was. The vacuum moves in one direction only. At some point letting go is the only way to save yourself. Ties that commit us to each other are not quite as strong as the tie that binds us to life. And I will find the strong nexus and remain.
An old friend in trouble clouds my minds eye. I can't make anyone do what they must do to survive. If they can't see for themselves, why would they need my eyes? If I had burned so many bridges and opportunities, I doubt I would care about anything, really. Two friends whose paths crossed the same lines 30 years ago, now are perpendicular and headed away from each other. I have nothing left but prayers for the lost souls who won't help themselves.
I have to look after my own wayward soul. I guess I fear everybodies problems could become my own, and they can, if I let that happen.

May the Lord have Mercy!


Anonymous said...

WOW! I can see where that arrow was pointed at. We did all we could do..God knows our hearts. He also gave us the brains to realize when to move on to a more worthwhile cause..Keep fighting the good fight, my beloved brother.

JohnnyT. said...

It's a real shame when someone with brilliance throws it all away. And not the first time we have seen that. But Terry wants to be the subject of an Ozzy song so bad, why pick suicide solution, I wonder? I tried, too, but I am fighting for a future with happiness and love and friends, and he is going down like a rock.Thanks!